One Year - Everything And Nothing Has Changed

One year. One year since you left. Everything and nothing has changed. I don't look at the sky the same way, I now look up and wonder just how far heaven is. Trying to be everything I never used to be, fear left me when I looked back at the time you had and the time I still have. I've accepted that your burdens are not mine to carry and I've buried them with love and forgiveness, along with my own. I know what I need to do to be happy, but patiently wait as I untangle my grief. I know I will never be the same person I used to be, how can I, the woman who made half of me is gone. But I'm not afraid to live without you anymore. I'm not afraid because I finally understand that you never left me. When I need you, I now quietly and patiently listen to my heart and there you are. Your words still there. Your unconditional love isn't gone. All the love I need is here. It's always been here and now lives in my children. I don't worry for you anymore for my faith has taught me to trust the universe. I don't need to look for signs anymore that you're near because you're everywhere; *"I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on the snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle Autumn rain. "

One year gone and I now understand how sad life can really be, but I don't want to sit in darkness anymore. All I want to do is carry you in my spirit. I wan't to let our spirits be free. I want to release our restless hearts. I wan't our smiles to feel like sunshine. I want us to "live by the sun and love by the moon." For I now understand that I am also living for you.

*Clare Harner - Immortality Poem